Watercolor Spirits

I've had a lot of time on my hands.  I've been sick and full of panic and home seems to be the best place to hide from the outside world.  However... it can also be boring.  While home recovering from an illness, I am at a constant battle with boredom, therefore I am always coming up with creative ways to express myself.  While my stomach grumbled and I couldn't sleep, I let my paints spill me out some images of unknown figures, images needing stories, and faces of loved ones dripped from my brush quite unexpectedly.

I also had run out of masking tape and am nearly out of paper!  Oh, dear.  Yet my urge to paint spoke louder than my poverty -- I ended up cutting the two pages of watercolor paper into bits and stretched it using scotch tape!  The paint bled in the corners where the clear tape wouldn't take, altogether creating some pleasant effects.  Sometimes using so called "mistakes" can accentuate the finished image.  So these are watercolor rough drafts.  Will they ever be finished?  No. 

This painting is very blurry, drippy, blowsey, but I like it.  It seems to be suggesting movement.  The female figure is drifting or walking deliberately into mist.  She is surrounded by faces -- or memories of faces -- watching her, looking away from her, kissing and looking straight at the viewer.  I wasn't keen on adding the faces because it just seemed "tagged on" -- pasted -- but then, upon closer inspection, I realized the face at the lower left corner seemed to be my friend Rebekah and in the upper right hand corner the face looks a lot like Josh.  Conclusion?  I was subconsciously missing my friends, I think.  Or their spirits just left an imprint on my painting that day.  Who knows?  The effect is there and I let it be.


You can tell it's getting closer to Halloween -- my favorite time of year -- when many of my painted images are coming out undead-looking!  With this painting I used only the murky used water after I did the painting above.  I also used a silver metallic watercolor pencil.  I wasn't sure the effect of the silver was going to show up, but here it looks just swell.  My favorite part of this painting is the little dribble of reddish-pink just off the lower lip, as if this ghost or zombie just got done having a midnight snack.

Which gets me thinking... Ever notice how often vampires in popular media (paintings, posters, games, etc.) are shown with blood dribbling off their lips and chins?  I've never liked that look.  I want to see (or create) more images of vamps who are neat eaters -- like they were smart enough to bring some wet naps or something -- because most of the time I'm pretty sure I'm looking at a vampire and don't need another artist to show me that a figure is a vampire by making their pretty faces blood smudged and smeared!  *giggles*  At other times I look at a painting of a vampire with a messy face and think they just got done eating some barbecue ribs!


Top hat man.  Man in a hot top -- did I just type that?  Yes, I did.  Hot top.  Might as well just say he's from Hot Topic!  Jeez... 

My friend Miya said:  "I like him. I see him as a fey creature here to woo an unsuspecting female... He gives her love and and a muse's creativity in exchange for slowly absorbing her life. He's beautifully dark."

I really love her assessment of this painting and can't say anything better about it.

I miss doing art assignments like I did in college, it gave me a goal to work toward each week.  I remember one assignment Rob Stolzer gave my class: draw and paint a series of big images in tiny space, then do a series of small images in a big space -- basically use the most of what little space you have to work with and don't over use the abundance of space you have.  It's an interesting drawing experiment.  I had the memory of that assignment in my mind when working on all three paintings here.

I like giving myself new things to do based on old idea.  It's an ordinary challenge.  A start that works me toward a goal.  And yet I still feel I don't paint or draw enough.  I've always got to do MORE.

Why I Wore Purple Today

I want to tell you that you are not alone.  You are loved.  More loved than you'll ever know.  I'm sorry they pick on you.  They can't understand you because you're not like them.  They bully you to get you to conform, to beat you into submission.  But you are better than their cruelty.  No one should hate you for who you are.  And who's to say anyone else knows but you?  I am proud that you are different.  I salute you.  Purple is my favorite color.  I'll wear it everyday to keep you in this world.  When you see me in purple it's my way to say I care and that I love you.  Let my love shield you, heal you, keep you safe.  I know what it's like to walk the world and feel like no one cares.  I know it is hard to ignore rejection, hard to face hostility on a daily basis, hard to hold your head up...  but there is a whole 'nother world out here waiting to embrace you, to encourage and celebrate you.  Don't give in to that sadness that overshadows you at times.  Work your way through it.  They may never get over how different you are and that is their problem, not yours.  You are special.  I love you.  I love all of you.

If only wearing my favorite purple dress today -- you know the one that is so vibrantly purple people stop and stare at me and give me double takes as I walk past them? -- would get you to see how much I support you or get you to smile for just one more day and laugh away the pain, then maybe dying my hair purple will show you even more how much I'm your fan, I'm your girl!  But, uh, dying my hair purple, well... it ended up coming out really dark today.  So my hair is deep blue.  The deep blue, if anyone asks me, represents the deep well of tears I've cried for you, the tears I've cried for myself back when I was your age and didn't feel I belonged anywhere.  I, too, tried several times to die, yet you'd never know it now.  I'm different like you.  And I'll stay different in my eye-catching purple and tragic blue hair for love of you.

Look at me and know I'm here for you.

If you are crazy enough to try to die than you are crazy enough to survive.
 

My Card Decks

The very first Tarot deck I ever dared to illustrate was a simple black and white one but my skills hadn't yet developed enough for me to really make a marketable deck.  I also happen to be a Tarot reader myself and whenever I set out to create a card deck, I consider the many beautiful decks I have used as a professional psychic.  It's easy to illustrate a card deck that is very personal but what about one that everyone can easily interpret?  It's not an easy task.  One that takes years.  Over the past five (or is it six?) years I've been busy painting and designing card decks for divination and for healing, using traditional and contemporary methods and iconography to illustrate my own unique take on the Tarot and playing cards.  I'm not satisfied with each painting and I could use some feedback.  I apologize in advance for so many images here!  It may take you a long while to page through them.  I don't have many moments to describe each image and why I created it.  I want to do several Tarot decks, but for now, this is it!  Take a peek at what keeps me home on my lonesome for days and nights on end...  and keep in mind each of the three decks here are still unfinished.

Fairy Godmother Healing Card Deck 2006-10:
What if all Fairy Godmothers in fairytales were really drag queens with magical powers? Each one of the  faces you see below is a Fairy Godmother who can grant you a special wish that corresponds with each of their personalities and supernatural abilities.  Each one has their own name, magical spell, and unique form of luck that will be granted to whomever recieves a card with their face on it.  I would like to make this very special card deck coincide with a charity and have the cards distributed to people who need a boost of humor and luck while they are sick or dying.  I think there's a real need for something like this in the world.  I would like to collaborate with a real drag queen (or a group of them) who can contribute their own take on each Fairy Godmother (or sponsor them) to make them official.


The above image is the opening painting that will open the book of the Fairy Godmothers.  Each face painted here is one of the Fairies who rules for each element.  See if you can guess which one controls what!

There are over 100 Fairy Godmothers now.  The last 32 I painted were done while my own mother was dying during the week/end of March 23rd.  The very last Fairy Godmother was created right after my mother's funeral.  He is the classic sacred clown figure -- a Fairy Godmother of such special mystery, he coyly shushes your questions with his finger on his lip.  Two other Fairy Godmothers are of famous personalities John Waters and Divine.  I would like to include other famous queens, but that would be permission pending -- heck I'd have to really write to John for permission, too -- so I didn't go out of my way to make any of the other Fairy Godmothers after famous people.

   
   
    
   

 

   
 

 

 
   

  
   
   

   
   
   
   
   
   
   


The Valentina Tarot Deck, 2004-6:
I've always wanted to paint a dramatic Tarot deck worthy of my own imagination, but would it sell?  Would psychics like it?  I have put so many personal icons in this deck, I fear I may have to make it more commercial, more impersonal, more professional (?).  I was going through a lot of personal inter-relationship drama during the period I painted this deck -- some of that drama seeped through.  Some of my old friends may recognize themselves or others in this deck.  The next Tarot deck I create I plan to make things a bit more traditional.   For now this fully painted deck remains on the back burner... 

This was to be the back cover image for each card:

But I felt it might be a tad bit too presumptious to include more than one image of myself in my own deck.  I was even clueless as to what to call the deck!  So I just named it after myself.

The Major Arcana
The Fool, The Magician, The High Priestess, The Empress, The Emperor

The Heirophant, The Lovers, The Chariot, Justice, The Hermit

The Wheel of Fortune, Strength, The Hanged Woman, Death, Temperance

The Devil, The Towers, Star, The Moon, The Sun
 
Judgement, The World

 
The Minor Arcana: Wands, Cups, Swords, and Pentacles
The Wands

The Court of the Wands
Child of Wands, Jack of Wands (Jack Kerouac), Queen of Wands, King of Wands

 
 
The Cups 

The Court of the Cups
Children of Cups, Jack of Cups, Queen of Cups, King of Cups
 
 
 
The Swords

The Court of the Swords
Child of Swords, Joan of Swords (Joan of Arc), Queen of Swords, King of Swords
 
The Pentacles

The Court of the Pentacles
Child of Pentacles, Jack of Pentacles, Queen of Pentacles (myself), King of Pentacles

Valentina's Mlle. Lenormand Fortune Cards 2005 -7:
Inspired by the 36 card Lenormand fortunetelling system, and based on traditional playing card decks, the following original card designs are referred to by their images and meanings, not just by their suit or number. 
Hearts
Ace of Hearts: The Gentleman, Jack of Hearts: Heart or New Love, King of Hearts: Home, Queen of Hearts: The Stork
   

10 of Hearts: The Dog, 9 of Hearts: Chevalier or Courier, 8 of Hearts: The Moon, 7 of Hearts: The Tree, 6 of Hearts: The Star or Diva

    

Diamonds
Ace of Diamonds: The Sun, Jack of Diamonds: Scythe, King of Diamonds: The Fish, Queen of Diamonds: The Crossroads

   

Ten of Diamonds: The Book, Nine of Diamonds: The Coffin, Eight of Diamonds: The Key, Seven of Diamonds: The Birds

    

The Spades
Ace of Spades: The Lady, Jack of Spades:  The Child, King of Spades: the Lillies, Queen of Spades: The Roses
   

Ten of Spades:  The Boat, Nine of Spades:  The Anchor, Eight of Spades: The Garden, Seven of Spades: The Letter, Six of Spades: The Tower

    

The Clubs 
Ace of Clubs: The Ring, Jack of Clubs: The Rod, King of Clubs: Clouds, Queen of Clubs: Serpent
   

Ten of Clubs: The Bear, Nine of Clubs: The Fox, Eight of Clubs: The Mountains or Journey, Seven of Clubs: The Rat,  Six of Clubs: Cross

    

And here's a sample of how I once imagined they'd look like as a traditional playing deck.  I want the cards to be black, not white, to make them stand out.  This isn't perfect-looking, but you get the sense of where I was going with this.



I look back at each one of my "babies" here and realize I still have a long way to go in developing a true deck of cards.  In the next few days I will be doing a lot of reviewing of my artwork as I try to determine where in life I belong and how best I should allow the world to use me. 

If an image or two really speaks to you, please let me know.  I am working hard to get my act together and make these cards available for publishing and sale.