Watch what you say? Believe it or not, I do all the time, but most usually AFTER I've said something! I've spent countless hours, days, YEARS remembering the things I've said and what someone else has said that I didn't mean, or that they didn't mean, or remember, but the difference between what I remember and what was said/written in a blog, or in a few lines on Facebook, is that the latter can IMMEDIATELY come back to haunt me. What is posted in a few moments of heated passion can bite you back in the ass, and keep on biting you for a long while, especially when other people who may or may not know you well, express themselves just as heatedly back at you. It may seem some people's common sense is impaired when they, time after line written in anger, forget that (to quote my friend Michelle) "the internet is open ended" and have their angry words echoed back to them on a platter of verbal backlash with a side order of embitterness.
I'm a very outspoken person and very emotional, I tend to express myself loudly all the time and, no matter what, people react just as loudly back at me. Sometimes they don't react right away and let their angry back lash brew until they pop a vein and spit their veniom at me when I least expect it. I don't mind a healthy back lash, but some people need to back off and just let someone spill their guts if they want to. Even though I realize the internet is "open-ended", I still relish my freedom of expression and will speak loudly, perhaps even more daringly so than I usually would offline, online. In my experience, I have discovered that whether what I write is nicely and politely said or not, someone out there is going to take offense or make unfair judgements upon my character based on what I say as easily as they would offline. Except when what I say is written down for everyone to see online, I am inadvertantly inviting anyone and their mother to react just as loudly to me online, and they will, especially so when they misinterpret what I have said as an attack. With the advent of the internet, people are safe in their own homes on their laptops to let their opinions fly out and let their ignorance and hatred show more so than they ever would let out in their lives offline. It's also extremely easy to hop on the bandwagon of opinions and "gang up" on whomever voiced the most unpopular opinion. The more passionate and stubborn the voice, the more tenacious the protest against that voice. But don't forget -- sometimes the outspoken person has something to just get off their chest and, even though it may prove to give a knee jerk reaction to someone else's nerves, it is just their opinion based on their feelings, right or wrong -- you can't force someone else to think or feel the way you do and we have no control over what they will think about us. What is the most important thing is what we think and feel about ourselves, and once you find your confidence, you will revel in the freedom you have to speak your mind and heart, and NO MATTER how much everyone and their mom hates what you have said, they can't hurt you.
Even though I have been unfairly bullied by the opinions of others, I will never trade a day of silence, never go back to the times I let others make decisions for me or talk over me -- the uncomfortableness I feel today when even the closest of friends disagree with me over what I believe is NOTHING compared to the pain of suffering in silence. It is a good thing to express yourself openly and brutally honestly than sit back and let other people speak for you (or speak all over you if the case may be). If someone is feeling angry, or has hatred in their heart, or are depressed, they will find it easiest to let it out online; but the freedom to express yourself comes with a double edge to it, speech is like a sword -- what we say can cut others down just as easily as it can cut through the clouds and clear the air. If you don't know how to use your sword, you'll end up cutting yourself more and getting it stuck in the ground when you use it to just randomly attack anything out there. To use your sword correctly, you have to take the time to really think before you speak, really polish and sharpen it... We also have to realize when NOT to pick up the sword -- that we just as easily have the freedom to ignore what someone else has said and to let it go if we don't agree with what is said because sometimes no matter what you say, nothing will produce a positive change.
Over the years I've been accused of taking things too far or going over the top with my words, but truth is, it is only MY opinion that proves to be unpopular and I don't shut-up or "behave" when others disagree with me (maybe this is why I'm accused of being so difficult). I'm stubborn and passionate, but at least all my friends know what time it is with me. I am quick to speak up and protest something, especially when I feel that someone is being unfair to me or someone else. Occasionally I have been wrong in my assumptions of others and I have expressed "sorry" to them, because usually I'm being misunderstood. When you live what you believe and feel "out in the open" your views will be questioned, protested, and taken the wrong way. I'm used to having to fight for any love and acceptance I can get; sometimes I forget to be softer, more gentle towards others. I'm not always prepared for the negative reaction I recieve from people who do not know me well. And even if they DO know me well, I can taken off guard when a friend lashes back at me. Even though I don't like it, I can be proven wrong, it's just when they don't stop to really listen to me and attack me out of a misunderstanding, I am forced into a corner. I don't back down easily because I've learned that, when I do, I get stomped on! I invite people to disagree with me, but there comes a time for us all to shut-the-fuck-up, listen, and then ask for clarification. Too often we're so busy getting out what we think and feel, we forget to take into consideration what someone else is going through -- I'm guilty of that, too. It hurts no matter what side you're on!
I've long tortured myself over the way some people have reacted to what I say, and I'm not giving in to that anymore. I have realized that I have no control over what other people will think about me, but I can put it out there that anything and everything is open for discussion with me -- equally and doubly so on the internet. Just don't hit me upside my head the moment I say something you don't agree with. If you're going to "fight" with me, I invite you to do so in an intelligent, peaceful, adult manner... even if the subject we're disagreeing on is stupid -- especially so if it's stupid! Because a disagreement over something stupid is not worth the loss of a friendship.
I've put both feet in my mouth occasionally, and have the lingering bad taste in my mind to prove it, and I don't mind admitting when I am sorry. I just don't think some people are prepared for the onslaught of negative opinion and reactions they will get when they post their inner most thoughts online for everyone to comment on. And...
If you invite me to give you my most honest opinion, and you don't like what I have to say, you shouldn't feel like you have to end our friendship when we disagree. That happened to me not too long ago... someone asked for my advice and opinion time and time again and I didn't back down, but when I did finally back off and chose to express my anguish online, that's when I was attacked by her and her mother. Next time I will simply ask those who ask me what I think, whether or not they really want to hear what I have to say. I try to be careful about what I say, but I am only human. I've been wrong and I've been sorry yet I will never NOT tell you my truth! This means I may come off intimidating, but this is only because I have the confidence to speak what someone else may not have the courage, or nerve, to say.
Yet am I brave enough to thrust my foot into my gaping, non-stop talking mouth? Sure. As long as these feet are clean.
No comments:
Post a Comment