I Miss Writing

Happy year 2011, all.  I haven't blogged here or anywhere else much lately, partly due to having a lot more distractions in my home.  I remember now why I haven't had cable TV in so many years, and it isn't just simply because I didn't have the income to pay for it, it's because I can turn into a TV zombie.  I'm catching up on shows and news so much, before I know it the day is half gone or it's too late at night, and especially after watching a gazillion news shows, I start to feel heavy, like I'm sedated, totally put into a mood where I don't want to move.  Then as I try to sleep, I close my eyes and keep seeing flashes of faces, a residual effect from watching too much TV, I'm sure. 

The other little problem I've been experiencing lately is that even though I have immediate access to the internet, now that I have a computer hooked up at home (yay!), there are times I just get online to vegitate some more.  I get on Facebook and just play around, take a few quizzes, and before long hours have gone by, my eyes get tired, and then the ennui robs me of my creativity.  I head back into my bedroom and want to draw, but my mind is so tired, so bored out, emptied of ideas, just bleh.  I've given myself a "creative migraine" out of this -- my imagination has pooped out sludge and before long each time I sit down to draw, I just sit there, and to get my mind off it I turn the TV back on or start up the computer.  I log into Mindsay or Blogger and just stare at the blank pages.  It doesn't help that I no longer have the social rapport that I once had here.  Whether or not I blog here, the old friends I once came here to blog back and forth with aren't all here anymore, and it seems like there's a general lack of interest in blogging by others.  I've noticed that in just the last two years, activity on blogs seems to have dwindled.  People like the instant gratification of Twitter or Facebook -- and even I have fallen for it, too.

Writing a blog is, well, about writing.  Journal writing, to be exact.  I keep several handwritten journals at home.  Blogging is public journal writing, so I tend to put more thought and energy into what I want to say for everyone to see.  Sometimes I get online to just react immediately, and even though I don't always write what is the most thoughtful thing to say (and possibly what I wouldn't naturally say in person), I will examine and re-examine what I've written.  In any case, the point I'm trying to make is that blogging, to me, is basically essay-like and can be a kind of chore.  I have to take more time to write a blog.  Checking Facebook is a breeze, but ultimately I don't get as much joy out of it as I do blogging.  Because Facebook is like candy; it doesn't feed my creativity like the good ole ritual of writing does.

I don't often make new year's resolutions, because such promises we make at the turn of a year don't get kept, but this year I really want to channel my energy into writing more.  Not just blogging.  Not just getting online to play with Facebook applications.  Not just to post hundreds of photographs.  I need to get back into the writing, really give myself assignments, really kick out the words I've got collected in the back of my mind, and stop myself from sinking into apathy.

Writing to me is like drawing...  I have a lot of stories to show and tell, writing is just another way to draw things out of my imagination.  I'll always keep a general blog out of my general need for self expression, but I want to stretch out and make writing itself a goal this year.  There are several areas/subjects I want to focus on: write my Witchcraft autobiography, write an on-going online poetry journal, write and revise my ficitional vignettes (I've got notebooks full of them that I could make into short stories), and write a book on Tarot and about my experiences as a reader (amongst many other things that aren't coming to mind right at this moment).  Like the sketchbook goal I made last year (I filled up four sketchbooks-full of drawings), this year I'm just going to let my words fly via keyboard and pen.  The goal isn't about getting my writing published, it's just about writing, just getting the words out, and not necessarily filling up several notebooks or blogs full of my words.  I just want to, and owe it to myself, to get back into writing so I can help myself break the habit of just sitting here and not accomplishing anything.

I want to write just as much as I draw.  Let the words flow...