Self Reflections

Myself.  Reflected.  Long hair, hazel eyes, drowsy days... in a daze.  It's cold outside.  I've been busy dreaming inside.


Deep plum hair is more brilliant plum red.  Contrasted with my dark brown hair, it seems like I have streaks of lava running down from my head.


This is how I woke up from a nap today.  I tightly french braid my hair every night and when I undo it once I wake up, it gets a little wavy... and wild.


I take a lot of self portraits -- not just with my digital camera, but I also draw and paint myself often.  Reflecting upon myself... it may seem self absorbed or selfish to some, but for me it is a way of learning more about myself each day.  And the way I see myself is important because how I see myself will reflect upon those who see me.


This photo was taken yesterday right after I had a panic attack.  I've become too sensitive to my surroundings again.  It is hard to get out of the house but I force myself to leave each day, even if it is only to take a fifteen minute walk over to the university to update my blog at the computer lab. 


Shaken, blurry, looking back at myself uncertain, struggling to keep my chin up.  I feel soft, small, but significant.  I am conquering my fears.  I am getting myself back.


Hugging a tree brings me back to strength.  I don't care who sees me do this.  I love the feel of the bark against my cheek.  I stop shivering and shaking.  I start to breathe deeply, not shallowly.  The world slows down.  The people all around me are nothing but scattered leaves on the ground.  I'm inside myself again.  I can live.  I breathe without choking.