Peek into my World

I've been hidden away in my own little world again. And I'm so drowsey, tired, hungry... winding down like a dying clock... I only have a few moments of energy left in me to post an illustrated essay of what I have been up to. Take a peek, leave your two-cents worth, and thanks for visiting. I really need some company these days. I want to have a tea party. A mad hatter kind of tea party. I want to take a nap. I wish I could blog in bed. I need someone to turn my crank. Wind me up (or is that WIND me up? as in "wind" the sort of thing that breezes by or blows? heh)... oh, sometimes the words come out into little planets spinning around and before long I'm stuck on a dream.

Where was I?


I can't stop drawing big costume epic characters. The stories come out of the faces. I feel like my drawings are alive. Or maybe it's because I've been so manic lately? I hope that at some point in my life what I do will no longer be hidden. I want to be known.

I don't want to be a mystery.



Melusine is, by far, a character -- nay, a goddess -- who I can honestly say is a familiar mystery, my kind of patron fairy godmother. There's not a moment I don't think about her and how I'm going to draw her next.

I imagine her with wings of flesh -- petals of flesh -- and her scales are also like human flesh but also chameleon-like. I see her gliding in the midnight wind -- the sound of the wind in naked tree branches during November may very well be the sound of her passing by...

I would like to introduce you to her, if I could. So far this is the best I can do.



In a previous blog post I had this drawing above barely finished. It took the entire month to flesh it out. I just kept coming back to the images -- erasing, editing, scribbling -- mostly drawn in bed while I was tummy sick.

And anxiety sick.

Just simply depressed sick.

And everytime I want to be outside, want to socialize, want to do SOMETHING I get sick. But I'm doing something about it. I am conquering it. I am producing images. Making my own world. And sometimes... just concentrating on drawing is all I need to combat anxiety.



My head is always in the clouds.

Really. It is.

What am I talking about? Sometimes my "crazy" slips in in very creative ways. I'm always exploring myself, wondering why I am who I am, and discovering the beauty I don't always see when I look in the mirror.







I am starting to fall asleep and it is only 3:30pm! The days and nights blur into each other at my house. Someday the clouds will lift, the pain will die, and all the poetry -- the great desire I feel -- all the passion brewing, boiling, bursting will be released from me onto an unsuspecting world. Or maybe I'm just taking myself too seriously.

Maybe what I need to do on the walk home today is just simply play.

I shouldn't plan it, I just should let it happen.

I'm not sure what else to say. Maybe I should just leave you with one more image and let it explain the way I feel right now, let it reveal what I've been dreaming about, let it swell in your head for a little while...



This is home right now. If you were here with me we could sit underneath this elm and share hot cups of tea. Ahhh... so sweet. I am in love with the idea. Where ever you are touch something (or someone) warm and you'll know what my heart feels like.